21 Jan Creating Happiness for Yourself
Sometimes it seems as though we have this innate desire to please other people. You do this for people that you know like your friends and family, but you also do it for people that you barely even know. Sometimes when you’re walking down the street you may find yourself doing something that pleases someone that you don’t even know. When I was in school I learned about how researchers have to be careful when it comes to receiving answers from their human participants. There are times when the participants want to please the experimenter so they answer the questions that are posed in the experiment in a way that they think would make the experimenter happy. And it may not seem like a big deal, but when people don’t answer the experimenter’s questions honestly it can end up skewing the results of the study so that the results end up being inaccurate.
This desire to please others doesn’t just happen in experiments. In your daily life you probably try to people please. You want to make your sister, brother, significant other, boss, mom, dad, grandparents, etc. happy so you do things that you know will make them happy. The more you care about the opinion of someone else the more that you want to please them. And this can be a good thing to do. It’s good to want to do things to make others feel good about themselves, but people pleasing can actually become detrimental when you do so at a cost to yourself.
Sometimes when you end up people pleasing, you may actually end up doing so by giving up something that is really dear to you…
I have this friend, and this friend has a sister. If you didn’t really know the two sisters, you would say that they have a nearly perfect relationship. They hang out all of the time together, they have inside jokes, they keep each other’s secrets, and they even still live together. Anyone looking at these two girls would think that they are best friends, and if you asked the older sister if they were best friends, she would agree. The younger sister, however, has been harboring resentment towards her sister for years. For years the younger sister didn’t even realize that her older sister was tearing her down, but a few years ago she experienced some time a part from her sister and realized that for the first time in her life she felt free because she was no longer with her sister. For all of her life, the younger sister had been taking verbal, mental, and emotional abuse from her old sister. Years later, she realized she took this abuse just so that her sister could get her anger out and feel better. The younger sister was acting in a way that pleased her sister, but unfortunately for her, she also was acting in a way that made herself feel bad. And even though the younger sister knows that her older sister still treats her horribly after all these years, she still lets her do it because she feels as though too much time has passed to try and rectify the situation. But the thing is it’s never too late to change your situation.
If you find that you are currently doing something to please others, but you’re losing yourself in the process, then it’s time to make a change. Positive thinker, you should never make yourself feel small just so that someone else can feel big. It’s your life and you need to feel good about it. You need to enjoy it, so if you find yourself in a position where you’re failing to do something that you want to do just so that someone else can do something that they want to do, then you should seriously reconsider your own actions. You want to make sure that you’re using all of the potential that you have in this life, so if you feel as though you need to hold back your potential when you’re around someone then it’s time to get that person out of your life. You have the opportunity to make your life as amazing as you want it to be, you just have to be bold enough to do the things that you know you have to do in order to make your life the way you want it to look. You can’t let anyone let you stop that from happening.
It’s your life positive thinker!
So live it in a way that’s going to make you happy, not someone else.
And remember, “Don’t let someone dim your light, simply because it’s shining in their eyes.”